Talking to Children About September 11th

by Thad Falkner, Head of School

As adults, we remember the sorrow and other deep emotions felt from the terrorist attacks that occurred on September 11, 2001.  With Saturday marking 20 years since this tragedy, part of our attention is with reflection.  Being parents, our attention probably also is with asking ourselves, how -or even if- we should talk to our children about 9/11.  

Keeping in mind the span of developmental stages from PK to 6th grade, I’ll organize my advice based on departments of the school.  

• Early Childhood (PK, JK, SK)-  This is an age when some parents might take a wait and see approach, meaning they do not initiate the conversation, but would respond if the subject comes up.  There also are many circumstances when a family would choose to introduce this topic to their child.  It is absolutely fine for parents to choose either path.  

If you introduce this topic or find yourself in a position to respond because your child asks a question, experts suggest using brief statements- “September 11th is the same date that a tragedy happened, and it makes people sad to think about it.”  For many children, this is enough information.  If the discussion goes further, you might want to share that there were many heroes who helped and lots of people did things to support others.  Keep in mind that young children may or may not show emotions that we normally attach to the subject (i.e. being solemn).  

• Primary Grades (1st, 2nd, 3rd)-  Students at this age can be very curious about important historical events.  However, they do not necessarily see the big picture (like lasting repercussions).  Rather, they might focus on the facts and statistics.  Good questions you can ask are- “What do you know about 9/11?” and “What more do you want to learn?”  Students this age also appreciate hearing what people did to help or what is done to recognize this important event.  They probably would show high interest by hearing about heroic acts on that day and understanding that things are done in memory, like Flags of Valor at Art Hill or knowing there is a memorial at Ground Zero.  

 

• Upper Grades (4th, 5th, 6th)-  It is common that adolescence brings heightened attention to the deeper meaning of events- Why did this happen?  Was help given to children and families of those who died?  Students at this age also are more apt to participate in discussion and, at times, share differing views about things like how to prevent terrorism.  They also appreciate hearing more about lesser known efforts, like how numerous boats mobilized together to evacuate people as well as how rescue and support dogs were part of the recovery efforts at Ground Zero.  Finally, they might want to do something to show their respect.   

While the developmental age of your child comes into play, there are a couple points which ring true for all ages.  Be an active listener; you’ll glean a lot about how much to discuss by following your child’s lead.  I’ll end with this important point, all children benefit from the reassurance of hearing that they are safe.

Additional resources:

• Talking to Children about Terrorism, an article from the 9/11 Memorial and Museum 
• How to Talk about 9/11 with your Kids, an article from Parents magazine
• 9/11 Day, a website that offers a platform to share good deeds done toward the effort- Shine a Light. Do a good deed.
• Flags of Valor StL, a website giving information related to the display in Forest Park on Art Hill